Saturday, June 25, 2016

Dear Gabriel... I thought of you today.

Dear Gabriel,

I walked with your dad at sunset today, and I thought of you.


Because the thing is, little Love, you were supposed to be with us on that walk.

I think of you and pray for you every day, my Sweetheart. But some days it hits me, all of a sudden, that you really are gone. I should have been feeling you kick by now. I should have been finding out your gender and getting one of those cute ultrasound profile pictures. I shouldn't have been crying on a walk, missing you.

I miss you every day. From what I've been told, that ache never fully goes away, but some days are harder than others. This week was hard - visiting your grave by myself for the first time. Having to go to the doctor's office and lay down for an ultrasound in that same awful room where I found out you had died. (Although this time, knowing my womb was baby free, but still healing from my littlest Love's time there. It is so hard to still be healing physically and mentally.)

I met someone new today.

This new friend is wonderful, but you will never know her, and she will never know you. And I couldn't even put that into words when I met her.

You missed the sunset, Love. And you and I will never watch it set together.

I try to trust that the beauty you now see far surpasses any I could show you. I feel so selfish, but I still wish we could have shared this earthly beauty together.

Because tonight, littlest Love, I saw the sunset. And I missed you so much.

My love goes with you always, my Gabriel.

Love, 
Mommy



1 comment:

  1. Oh, Michele, I'm so sorry. The pain never really does go away and only those who have walked that path can understand. There are still so many times that I am standing in Church or taking a family picture that I feel a huge hole where my daughter should be. No matter how many years pass, I always see the place that she isn't and think of how she never got to do all these things with our family as a family. A lot of people think I am crazy, but I loved that tiny girl and always will. A part of my heart left this earth with her soul and it can never be replaced. Hang in there, friend. (((((hugs))))) Please email any time. I'll pray for you.

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