I had so many thoughts to share with you about the Gospel for this weekend. It has thoroughly inspired me in my Lenten discernment. But, I read two remarkable, honest, and brave posts this week - from Rachel over at Liveable Learning (I actually recommend her site to anyone teaching a preschooler!!) and from the beloved Bonnie over at A Knotted Life. (And let me also throw in the wonderful Jenny from Mama Needs Coffee.) I don't have much to say, since my battle with PPD is still ongoing, and both bouts of it are still so fresh in my heart that I don't feel I can share any specific details.
But I know. I get it.
I know how hard, incredibly hard it is to suffer from PPD. And I've been so touched by the other mothers who've been honest about their battle. I wish I could share more about mine, but I'm not in that place yet. But, BUT I want to be honest about the fact that I have come face to face with this battle, and it is hard. It is so hard to love your little ones so very much, and still to feel such pain.
The first reading for today really got me. The line "could a mother ever be without tenderness for the child of her womb" got me in the same way that I'm sure it got any mother who has ever suffered from PPD. Of course, I am so incredibly in love with my precious girls, and always have been. But, does a mother with PPD occasionally have that all clouded over by the dark cloud of anxiety? Heck yes. And boy, oh, boy, is that hard.
I'm coming at this from a unique angle, too...because I've been here before. I know it's miserable, but I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel! I know what tools help me survive it. And I know, I absolutely know, that I am not alone in this battle. I'm fighting alongside so many women I respect, especially those dear bloggers linked above.
So, if you are out there, and if you suffer or have suffered from PPD, please know that you are not alone. Please know that you are not the only one familiar with this cross, and please, please know that there is so much hope. Knowing that this time around has definitely made the fight easier.
I've linked to this amazing resource before, but please check it out if you or someone you love may benefit from it. It is an absolutely amazing site!
Part of the light at the end of my tunnel, part of what keeps me going every day, is these two sweet little girls. The kisses of the big one, the sweet and snuggly cheeks of the little one - they are my rays of sunshine. So let's see them in all their cuteness this week, shall we?
We went to Mass last night because we were forecasted to get slammed by an awful storm today, but I was able to snap a picture or few of the three of us.
That little girl in the red dress? She has enough personality and creativity to entertain a multitude. And her sister is fast following in her footsteps. And, oh, my goodness...every time that lunch time rolls around and she begs, "Can I please have my catechesis?" when she really wants a quesadilla, the catechetical leader in me melts right into a puddle. I knew her attending so many graduate classes in utero would pay off someday. ;-)